Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
