Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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