the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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