I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
