I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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