How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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