found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
