i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You can't motorboat a personality
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
