The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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