Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
