this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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