Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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