i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
