i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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