guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
