How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize