We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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