Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We got so high we made milksteak
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
