You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
