Well apparently he's into motor boating.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
