So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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