the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize