Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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