Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
