We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
