The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have post one night stand depression
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
