They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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