watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
