The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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