I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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