Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
