For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
