Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
