So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My ass is underappreciated
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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