Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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