Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
