Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
