So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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