can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
