There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize