Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
