When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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