Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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