Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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