after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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