I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
