the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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