I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
