my room smells like sperm. sweet.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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