Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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