i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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