I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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