I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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