She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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