I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
