I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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