i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize