just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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