okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
