First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
