Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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