I skipped work to stalk him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
