how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
