saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
