Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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