"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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