Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
soo... how was my night?
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