idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
