You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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