i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
