well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
