Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
