All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
