Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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